Where I Am Now

[Ethan118]

Hey everybody,

So, it's been about a year since I've used this message board. But, I figured it would be pretty cool to post my improvements, and what has happened to me over the past year, as kind of an inspiration to anybody else who wanted to know. If you are willing to read the whole thing, I don't think you will be disappointed! So... here goes:

I've dealt with anxiety and panic attacks since I was 11 years old, and I was hospitalized twice for my anxiety disorder. The case got progressively worse, until I was forced to switch schools because of it. The beginning of my freshman year of high school (last year) was most likely one of the worst times. Truthfully, I think I should have been hospitalized because my medication simply wasn't working. The remainder of the year wasn't nearly as bad, but I was still what I can only describe as 'crippled' due to my inability to function as a human being. I refused to go to friends' houses, I hated when something in my life changed, and I was constantly bullied throughout the year. BUT even though it seemed like it couldn't get any worse, I still forced myself to go through it. Inside, I was an emotional wreck, but outside I looked like a happy person.

That summer, the summer of 2009, I finally decided that I had enough of the shut-in, depressing individual I had become. Earlier, I had been addicted to World of Warcraft, and that's basically what my life revolved around. I played that game up to 6 hours a day, and I assume it was probably because of the fact that WoW was my only escape from reality. After a lot of thought and determination, I quit playing and joined a club Water Polo team. It all pretty much went uphill from there. I made the High School varsity team, and made a LOT of new friends. About 4 or 5 months ago, my anxiety began to disappear completely. I had originally tried to go off medication completely, but after a few failed attempts I decided it was best to stay on it. Throughout the year, I started going places alone, staying in unfamiliar environments overnight, and trying as hard as I could to get over my panic attacks. After the Polo season was over, I had lost almost 30 pounds, and am finally at the point where I am not bullied for my weight. I've even been called 'skinny' by some of my peers. I still have a ways to go before I reach my goal, but the improvements are definitely there. My anxiety is ALMOST completely gone, and I am the happy person I've always wanted to be! Currently, I am on the Varsity swim team, I play Club water polo a few times a week, and I work out at the gym as often as I can. I have a 3.8 GPA in Honors and AP classes, and my grades are only improving!

So here's my advice to everyone who is experiencing these same emotions and problems: Try new things! Go out there and make new friends. Join a club, and try to go outside more. But most importantly, exercise! That's exactly what I did, and it worked! That's really all I have to say. My only hope is that somebody can walk away from this with a little bit more knowledge on how to help themselves recover.

Thanks for reading,
Ethan

[paradoxos]

I remember you, and I didn't think we'd ever hear from you again. Now that we have, I'm glad you had such (ultimately) great news to share with us.  I hope things continue to go well for you.

-DAVID

[Ethan118]

Thanks! I'm surprised you remember me. Kind of glad to be back, because this website helped me out so much.

[paradoxos]

You left an indelible impression because you were so articulate and the details of your struggles were so poignant. Also, you shared with us a short story you had written, and it was a pretty remarkable piece of writing...

[Ethan118]

Wow, I never realized that I had left behind something like that. I originally stopped posting because my parents took it away. They believed it was an 'unhealthy obsession', and however much I'd like to agree (I was, in fact, slightly preoccupied and torn away from my schoolwork due to such), I think just having people share my mixed feelings and problems created an nearly ineffaceable bond. I've always been one to become too connected to various pieces of my life, but I didn't think this was harmful. Like becoming addicted to water, if that makes sense. Too much can hurt, but was it really too much? I beg to differ.

[paradoxos]

You definitely made an impression here in this forum. It's bad enough when an adult has to deal with anxiety-panic-depression. But, to read about a person your age dealing with all that....well, that's especially sad.  But, you perservered and your life has taken quite a positive turn. I'm sure others here who remember you will be very pleased to see the good news you posted.

-DAVID

[Ethan118]

Its been a long journey, but I'm determined to keep on fighting. I truly, truly believe that anxiety and panic disorder is made more complex and enhanced by inhibition, and stasis. Simply put, if you just sit around and don't experience things, you are bound to wind up like I did. Another theory... maybe it's a chemical imbalance? This is just my experience, and its from what I observe. Its probably not all that accurate.

[tony21]

Thanks! I'm surprised you remember me. Kind of glad to be back, because this website helped me out so much.

yo ethan,i wondered what had become of you kiddo.hope you post more often when you have the time to.

[VincentDegen]

That is wonderful! Thank you so much for sharing your road to recovery and the steps that took you there. The advise of seeking new and different ways in life to overcome old patterns of thought and feeling is a very sage one.

And of course we remember you. Few people ever manage to elaborate on their condition with such erudition.

Aloha!

Marcus

[Ethan118]

yo ethan,i wondered what had become of you kiddo.hope you post more often when you have the time to.
[/quote]

Definitely will. Its exciting to be back, I remember all of this so keenly.

Just out of curiosity: what happened to all the old posts? Its like the site got wiped.

[paradoxos]

..Just out of curiosity: what happened to all the old posts? Its like the site got wiped.

I think Amy (aka Arana), whose website this is, periodically does cleanup and removes older posts. But, don't quote me on that.  Or, it might be related to a recent overhaul of the board that took place after an extended period where the board was inundated with spam and phishing emails.

-DAVID

[Ethan118]

Okay, makes sense! I had received quite a few of those messages.

[tony21]

has anyone heard from blonda since she lost her kid?God rest his soul.

[Ethan118]

Blonda lost her son? I'm so sorry to hear that!

[paradoxos]

Tony - I think Michael (East30s) keeps in touch with Blonda. She's no longer active on this message board, though.

Ethan - Blonda's son died unexpectedly last year of a heart ailment.